Thursday, December 1, 2016

Back Again

We have been together again for almost 9 months. Of course I'm glad that you're back - at least at first. Now, I'm just wondering if we should stay together.
Separating from you is one of the hardest thing to go through in my life. I surely don't wish to experience that again like I did before. But I'm not sure if we'll stay happy together; maybe there's something better for me out there, a better life in which I don't need to care about whether someone like a boyfriend (you) likes me or not. I'll be completely free of those thoughts, God, I dreamed of living a life like that.

Then again, I have no idea how would I do without you in my life. You don't make me whole, but at least you make me feel contented - sometimes.

So should I go? Or should I stay? Only time will tell.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

No Regrets; No Hard Feelings.

I don't regret knowing you, I just regret the fact that knowing you used to be someone I'm close to, yet in the end I can't be with you and walking through life till the end with you. Falling out of love with you makes me feel half dead inside, I remember what we did but I feel that I lost a part of me to the past and now I can't take it back.

Because in the end, it's not about losing you to her, it's about losing hope to have you in my life. This absence doesn't make my heart grow fonder of you, it's just a reminder that I failed, and now I shall repay by gradually dying from the inside.

But I shall find solace and peace in knowing that you will thrive in life, even without me being with you; perhaps with someone else, or all by yourself. My only hope is that you find happiness in whatever you do.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Guilt + Freedom

Day by day, night by night, the mental images of the memories that included both of us played less in my mind. I became less clingy onto them as before, but I cannot seem to forget your obsession of her and your betrayal.

I searched the word "betrayal" on Google, and the first result came from Wikipedia (of course).
"Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, between organizations or between individuals and organizations."

Funny, I thought I remembered something different in regards to the meaning of this word the last time I checked, which was through Google as well. Taking into account of the meaning of "betrayal" from my recent search, it completely defines what you did to me. And her name keeps popping out everywhere I go, which is not helping me with my intention to forget about you.

I have been trying my best to live with the results of our unity a few months ago. I don't know why you did what you did. I don't know why I didn't put a stop to this bullshit earlier than two months ago; but all I know is that I regret knowing you in the first place.

Yes... I regret being with you, but at the same time, I regret pushing you out of my life. But you left me no choice, and I simply can't put up with all these anymore. I have been rambling about you and us from the first post of this blog until now. It has been a month or more, and at times I just dive into my memory lane to see the past that once contained you because I just don't understand why.

Saturday, November 28, 2015


Being with someone; be it a lover, family member, or friend, it's not about being afraid of getting hurt, nor is it about looking forward to being with the person forever; but it is about the experience you experienced from the relationship, whether it's a passing relationship or an ongoing relationship. Relationships have their own distinct values, but those values don't exist if there's no one there to create the relationship.

Relationships need to be nurtured after they are being created. A relationship is not a solid entity; it is intangible, yet relationships play an important part in our lives. It takes at least two persons to make one, and it takes the people in one relationship to keep it, and sustain it.

But different people define a relationship differently. We hold different ideals and desires in life, the way we view a relationship is not the same way another person sees it. We crave so much for social support yet we can't go beyond our differences; so what's the point?

But the point is obvious, isn't it? We work through our differences, and in the process, we become tolerant. But are we ready to be tolerant and patient in order to make relationships work?

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Just a Little Reminder of You II

We were beautiful together.
If you don't believe so,
Ask the galaxy;
Which showcased the process of our journey in colours of purple;
The beginning was marked by a lighter tone of the colour,
Then it turned darker which reflected on those months we spent together,
When things went wrong but we tried to make them right.
That tone of purple then dramatically changed to blue,
Denoting the moment when you told me the truth,
And we parted to our separate ways.
Such beautiful colours,
With glitters emitted by the stars that showed us all of those tiny little things we did together or for each other,
Just to make our relationship right;
But the relationship came to a halt almost too soon,
And it stayed there;
Then it quickly escalated to nothingness.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Just a Little Reminder of You

Just a little reminder of you; so I will forget the intimacies we used to share, but at the same time I will remember you, who used to be a part of my life.

You gave me the perfect gift to remember you for who you are and who were we together. Everything about this gift tells me that we used to have a thing going on before, but that's just it.

But it doesn't clearly tell me what do you feel about me now and all the times you had been by my side months ago, or you never reveal your feelings into it for it to tell me. Just like how shifty and sly you always used to be, you never show any of your true feelings after all.

I won't dispose of this gift. Instead, I will keep it with me, so I will always be reminded of the person you are. Maybe it might not tell me entirely about you, but it will still tell me that you are a person who used to be in my life.

Saturday, November 21, 2015

The Warmth that Fought through the Cold

On one cold winter night, the blizzard decided to come and destroy a little town in Utah. To him, the mind is more destructive than any weather out there, be it drastic or deathly. As he sat on a couch in his little hut that sheltered him from the rapid wind and snowing outdoors: "to whom do I confide into now?" He thought out loud, but he knew no one will answer him, for he was alone. At least only at that time.

A few months had passed in the same year; months of continuous snow that piled up into a massive load to the point that everything seemed to be white and compressed. The daunting season never ceased until it was near the end of the year, when the Sun finally decided to surpass the cold winter that seemed determined to take up almost the entire year for itself. On one particular morning, when the Sun shone so beautifully on the azure blue sky, he decided to make a trip downtown to visit a town nearby, called Park City.

He was coming down from one of the taller hills of the region, from his wooden hut. The Sun shone in such a way that seemed to clarify its obvious intention of showing him his way. It was its warmth that encouraged him to move ahead to his destination. And making his way carefully downtown, he whispered to no one in particular: "I'm still fighting."

The world seemed particularly blurry at the moment, mainly due to the sudden reminder of his own past life. But during that moment by himself, the image of the sunny winter morning that comes with a warm and cozy feeling to it will forever rest in his heart and mind for eternity.