Wednesday, December 30, 2015

No Regrets; No Hard Feelings.

I don't regret knowing you, I just regret the fact that knowing you used to be someone I'm close to, yet in the end I can't be with you and walking through life till the end with you. Falling out of love with you makes me feel half dead inside, I remember what we did but I feel that I lost a part of me to the past and now I can't take it back.

Because in the end, it's not about losing you to her, it's about losing hope to have you in my life. This absence doesn't make my heart grow fonder of you, it's just a reminder that I failed, and now I shall repay by gradually dying from the inside.

But I shall find solace and peace in knowing that you will thrive in life, even without me being with you; perhaps with someone else, or all by yourself. My only hope is that you find happiness in whatever you do.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Guilt + Freedom

Day by day, night by night, the mental images of the memories that included both of us played less in my mind. I became less clingy onto them as before, but I cannot seem to forget your obsession of her and your betrayal.

I searched the word "betrayal" on Google, and the first result came from Wikipedia (of course).
"Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, between organizations or between individuals and organizations."

Funny, I thought I remembered something different in regards to the meaning of this word the last time I checked, which was through Google as well. Taking into account of the meaning of "betrayal" from my recent search, it completely defines what you did to me. And her name keeps popping out everywhere I go, which is not helping me with my intention to forget about you.

I have been trying my best to live with the results of our unity a few months ago. I don't know why you did what you did. I don't know why I didn't put a stop to this bullshit earlier than two months ago; but all I know is that I regret knowing you in the first place.

Yes... I regret being with you, but at the same time, I regret pushing you out of my life. But you left me no choice, and I simply can't put up with all these anymore. I have been rambling about you and us from the first post of this blog until now. It has been a month or more, and at times I just dive into my memory lane to see the past that once contained you because I just don't understand why.